Stereotypicalius Gatorus

Not to be confused with Clem(P)sonus Redneckius, this Gator fan is easy to spot and is probably the first thing to come to mind when the words "Florida Gator" are used together. They habitate North Florida, wear neon orange & blue tanktops and gold chains, and display a thin mustache with oily hair. Stereotypicalius Gatorus can also be called Cheesius Gatorus. This brand of Gator probably did not attend the University of Florida, much less finish high school. Can be spotted by a air-brushed license plate at the front of their Corvette. Harmless unless drunk and/or watching NASCAR racing or rasslin'. WARNING: Stereotypicalius can be dangerous depending on the level of alcohol intake. A visiting fan can be pelted from behind with varying weapons, so a visitor might not see the attack coming.

DamnedYankeeius Gatorus

A different fan altogether, these Gators migrate from their original birthplace to sunny Florida. Their ages range from sixty to ninety. The Northern accent and Scotch fumes give them away while they are cursing "you *&&@*@#^ Doog fans!" You may be caught off-guard that someone your Grandmother or Grandfather's age is using slurred language like this, but remember that these are Gator fans and they are from the North. Satin neon orange & blue jackets are another way to spot these Gator fans. DamnedYankeeius Gatorus is very harmless and quite amusing.

Fairweatherfanius Gatorus

You may have to engage in conversation to figure out Fairweatherfanius Gatorus. They wear all of the typical Gator paraphenalia, but once you get past their limited vocabulary (see below), they are very shallow and insecure. Many of them were Miami fans in the 1980's. Fairweatherfanius' vocabulary is limited to the words "You suck. We kicked your @ss." A good way to disengage these fans is to ask them who Charlie Pell and Galen Hall are. Chances are they don't know. Also ask them to name two players on the Gator team (not including Steve Spurrier) and they won't be able to do that either. Harmless once you realize what type of Gator they are. WARNING: Fairweatherfanius, like Stereotypicalius, can be dangerous depending on the level of alcohol intake. Be wary of turning your back.

Computercowardius Gatorus

Computercowardius displays the same behavior and vocabulary as Fairweatherfanius, but acts it out on a computer. Very rarely does he leave behind an e-mail address, but prefers to hide behind the anonymonity of the Internet. These fans show their immaturity by bragging about their "superiority" - whatever that is. Some past Computercowardius names: Swamplizard, Steve Superior!!!!!!!!, etc. These fans know nothing about sports, but prefer to leave flames on visiting boards for attention's sake. Rarely do they leave a real e-mail address behind. Our studies show that Computercowardiuses are very insecure and completely harmless. Once ignored, they shrivel up and die.

Iwishiwasadawgiae

This does not an actual gator, but a higher branch of taxonomy. All organisms in college football belong to the phylum Iwishiwasadawgiae. This phylum includes a wide variety of creatures including cats, tigers, chickens, bruins, wildcats, bees, volunteers, and of course the various classifications of gators. Species habitat tends to be located primarily in the Southeastern United States. However, scattered populations have been located throughout the lower 48 and Hawaii. Behavior patterns vary wildly. Many are tenacious and ferocious fighters, while others are meek and docile. All do exhibit extreme jealousy and envy when confronted by the King of Beasts, the notorious Georgia Bulldawg. Interestingly, migration patterns of many of these organisms often carry them into the Bulldawg's territory. They often leave this area beaten, battered, and bruised. Care should be taken in approaching these creatures at this time. Many are in awe of the great beast and his lair, but some are often overcome by malicious thoughts often enhanced by large quatities of alcohol. Some creatures are amicable, and can be quite intelligent. However, great care should be taken when approaching any of the variety of gators. Their common sense, knowledge of history, and IQ are extremely low leading them to many erroneous conclusions. Delusions of grandeur abound in this species. Recent efforts at controlling these animals appear to be going well, with complete erradication predicted in the next five or six years.

Submitted by Chris Haddock aka MCG DAWG (UGA c/o 1996)

Smellusverybadus gatorus

You can usually tell when downwind from a gator fan. The distinctive odor of grease, Brillcreme (don't they realize the ad says: "a LITTLE dab will do ya?), Zima (eesh!) and hydrogen sulfide (gives rotten eggs their wonderful odor) is very difficult to miss. I first encountered odor at GA/FLA game in the late 80's and will not forget it. After my source of tickets dried up, he was a gator alum (guess which section I had to sit in?), I did not notice the odor again untill driving on I-75 a few years ago near Gainseville, Fla (dangerous area!). The smell was so overpowering that it nearly shut my car off! Lately, after 11/01/97, there has been a new odor added to the gator smell list: Humble Pie, which they have been eating a lot of lately in Jax.

Submitted by Paul Di Gianfrancesco

Gnathosaurus spurrieri

Gnathosaurus spurrieri, a rare dinosaur coprophage (look it up, you'll get a kick out of that particular biological term) started wearing tank tops because its arms were too small for sleeves.

Submitted by Sam, AKA Rabid Dawg

Diminuorangus Rugrattus

The annoying Diminuorangus rugrattus, a creature raised by its horrible parents to be of the orange persuasion. The Dimunuorangus rugrattus may metamorphose into any of the adult forms of the orange persuasion. However, in rare cases, this form can mutate to the Pseudoorangeus intelligentsii, an offspring which rejects its orange heritage in favor of civilization. This is a rare case of a beneficial mutation.

Submitted by Sam, AKA Rabid Dawg

Techgeekus Yellowjacketus

In fact there are some scientists that think Computercowardius Gatorus is not a reptile, but acutally an insect called Techgeekus Yellowjacketus which most certainly *is* capable of using a computer and hating the Dawgs. Remember, since anonymity is a factor, how do you know it is a Gator? Driven by an intense resentment of the fact that even during worst six seasons in Georgia football history, the Dawgs beat the North Avenue Trade Skool every year, they assume, like a mockingbird (it's OK to shoot them), the calls of surrounding species (particularly the Gatorii) as a over-up and defense mechanism.

Submitted by Stu Gittelman

Gatorbandus Annoyingus

Gatorbandus Annoyingus travels in one big pack. It is very easy to spot them because of the neon uniforms that each member of this phylum is required to wear. They also tend to make quite a lot of noise, which will get the other members of the Gator family to create obnoxious noises in return, unless what is known as the "football team in the orange and blue colors" falls behind in the score. Gatorbandus Annoyingus is one of the few phylums of the Gator family that stays in the stadium after the other Gator members leave the stadium when it is obvious that the "football team" will not "win" the game.

Listen to Gatorbandus Annoyingus' mating call! Gatorbandus will play this ad nauseum - sometimes 30 times a game in the hopes of getting other Gators to respond.

Gatorhois Annoyingus

Physically characterized by bleach blonde hair, dark tan, dazed expression, and is scantily clad enough that she appears to be a prime candidate for a topless dancer or Hooters waitress. Tends to have short vocabulary that continuously spouts "Go Geaterz" for no reason whatsoever except for boyfriend Dumbjockus Gatorus (therefore the bricks remain in the UF bell tower) is on the court/field and she has no clue as to what is happening unless you read the scoreboard for her. Also, characterized as a poor winner and poor loser who screams 'Kill 'em Geaterz" when ahead by incermountable leads and then asks whether the Geaterz will win. May be confused with DamnedYankeeius Gatorus, but not since it's the offspring of these creatures who moved down just to mooch off Grandpapa Yankeeius Gatorus until receiving MRS degree. This species travels in packs, has little interface with other Gatorus species, and is harmless regardless of alcohol consumption.

Submitted by Stephen Wright (MSU Grad)

Shortmemoryus gatorus

This Gator is very similar to the Fairweatherfanius gatorus. This Gator insists that the Gators have a long history of dominance in the Southeastern Conference and will argue this point with anyone who will listen. You can usually get these Gators to shut up by asking them to name a conference championship team prior to 1990. The brief period of success enjoyed by the Gators in the 90s have caused these Gator fans to forget the previous 8 decades of futility. These fans usually wear as much Florida clothing as their body will hold. These Gators typically have a problem with basic mathematics, too. Simply ask them who holds the overall record in the Georgia-Florida series. The answer is usually an unintelligible grunt.

Submitted by Joshua Moore

Whinus Spruriostus

A species of gator whom partakes in much boosting, crowing, and self-indulgence. This species is known to cry violently and destroy their own clothing; most commonly their, wish I had a real hat, "sunvisor" whenever Refereus Alwaysrightus doesn't see thing Spruriotus's way.

Submitted by Charles (UT)

Seminolis Fraidykatis

Yes, it is well known that "Rednecks Turn Orange in The Fall", but this variety turns to a more yellowish hue. While this particular species can rarely be seen outside of its Alabama backwoods habitat, it can be easily characterized through the old Doctor Hook verse, "I've got all the friends that money can buy, so I never have to be alone". It can also boast of the strong traditions found within its culture, even if those traditions are not its own. It is also noted that these creatures, once known to follow the shorter of its species, now tend to follow the louder ones. Its habitat is easily identified by the large amounts of toilet paper used to mark its territory.

Submitted by "Glorified"